MUSLIM MAN SAYS BACON MIRACULOUSLY CURED HIM OF HOMOSEXUALITY

London | A British Muslim man previously plagued with what his family and friends called a “mental disorder” believes he has found a cure for homosexuality.

Zameel Shamal, 26, had spent most of his life battling with a fascination for cross-dressing, wearing makeup and an irresistible attraction to men since a very young age until he met a nutritionist that showed him his testosterone levels were abnormally low.

Even though eating bacon, which is prohibited by Islam, to boost his testosterone levels seemed a bit extreme, he truly believes he had no choice.

“I had tried everything: exorcisms, cold baths, electroshock therapy while watching gay porn, sleeping with female prostitutes, but nothing seemed to work,” he admitted, visibly relieved.

“My nutritionist told me my testosterone levels were so low they were similar to levels found in vegetarians and vegans, who regularly eat estrogen-high foods like soy milk and tofu, and often turn gay,” he told reporters.

“In his great mercy, I think Allah would rather I eat bacon than eat penises,” he added.

Nutritionist Allan Hampshire first discovered that Shamal's testosterone levels were extremely low, so low they resembled levels found in male vegetarians and vegans whose soy-based estrogen-high diet often turn men into homosexuals, he claims.

Nutritionist Allan Hampshire first discovered that Shamal’s testosterone levels were extremely low, so low they resembled levels found in male vegetarians and vegans whose soy-based estrogen-high diet often turn men into homosexuals, he claims.

Fighting fire with fire

Although a bacon-based diet is strictly off-limits to followers of the Islamic faith, Shamal says he does not regret his choice one bit.

“For years, I felt like a hypocrite. I would go to the mosque and pray Allah for him to cure me, and fifteen minutes later I would be eating five dicks at the sauna next door,” he told reporters.

“Now, I sleep with as many women as I can and I don’t even force myself into it. Sometimes, I even enjoy it and I don’t even find it disgusting or vomit after sex with a woman anymore,” he explained.

“Eating bacon has changed my life, it has made me a real man,” he concluded.

Although most types of meat have the potential to increase testosterone in one’s body, bacon is high in saturated animal fats and cholesterol and is known to be highly efficient to raise testosterone levels, say experts.

Those on meatless diets (e.g. vegetarians) or whose meat consumption is consistently low tend to have reduced testosterone levels, yet no scientific data has yet linked a low-meat diet and homosexuality.